I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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