I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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