dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
