His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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