I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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