About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
