mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
