I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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