OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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