Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
