how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
