I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
