porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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