she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
