last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
