; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
