That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
