today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
