I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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