so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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