I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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