This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
