Your dad touched me again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
