The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Farmville is her only friend.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
