Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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