The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
