what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
