bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
