I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
