Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
