I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
