It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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