I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
