Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
