addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
