i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
