This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
