I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
