Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
