We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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