OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
