I am in a vortex of obligation.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
