Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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