he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
