he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pants are for mortals
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
