I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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