If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
