i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
