I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
