We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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