I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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