I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
